Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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