you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
