I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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