I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
