she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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