Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
