my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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