Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
