Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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