i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
