my text book just quoted the cookie monster
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
