Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
