Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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