Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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