I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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