He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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