You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
