Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize