Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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