forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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