I am midnight drunk by noon
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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