i will never coherently bang her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
