He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
