All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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