Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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