I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
