I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
