You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
