I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
