hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
