3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
