Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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