It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
