It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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