i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
