I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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