My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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