she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.