omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit