So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up