I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.