im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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