im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
