Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7338) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14671) Bad night (3377)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop http://tfl.nu/llg8
  Replies (36) Good night (5814) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage. http://tfl.nu/q50p
  Replies (17) Good night (4356) Bad night (1933)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5741) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10608) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever http://tfl.nu/y96z
  Replies (7) Good night (2065) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals". http://tfl.nu/oep3
  Replies (16) Good night (3854) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer. http://tfl.nu/a3pu
  Replies (8) Good night (3185) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable. http://tfl.nu/h9sq
  Replies (7) Good night (1841) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame. http://tfl.nu/x1of
  Replies (16) Good night (810) Bad night (1846)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  An old lady WILL get vomited on today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): An old lady WILL get vomited on today. http://tfl.nu/4fpr
  Replies (4) Good night (679) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"? http://tfl.nu/v4r0
  Replies (5) Good night (311) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy. http://tfl.nu/eww2
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7. http://tfl.nu/9u2f
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (228)

Randomize