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Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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