i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.