It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will be naked everywhere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
