Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.