Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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