i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
