no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
