You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize