I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
