I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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