Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
