with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i think my cat just said my name.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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