my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize