I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
