I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
