Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
