so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
