I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
