My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
