I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
