ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
