Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
