did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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