dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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