she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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