I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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