I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
