I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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