1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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