dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
