OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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