OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
