remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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