he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we're making bets on your personal life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
