I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I faked an abortion last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All the doctor said was why
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
