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He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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