i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
