Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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