her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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