fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
