Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
