Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
