I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
