You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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