So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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