I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
