Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
